Prayer Requests

Hey guys! I know I only have like 12 followers or something, but I would just like to ask you to pray for a few things if y’all remember or have time to pray!

1- My depression is getting a lot better! So that’s a praise and a request- praise God that he has been faithful and that he would continue to keep it at bay

2- I’m really struggling with some big life decisions right now having to do with career/ mission field, so pray for guidance and clarity and that I would continue to seek God’s will in that area

3- I’m going on a two week mission trip to the Philippines in about 3 weeks to minister to street kids and love on them, so prayer that I would be willing to do God’s work and that I would be totally focused on him instead of myself during those two weeks (and I suppose forever for that matter)

That’s really all for right now! Thanks guys, let me know if there’s anyway I can pray for y’all!

Standard

I want a man like that.

This morning, the organization Compassion International ( http://www.compassion.com ) was putting on an expo at my church. They needed volunteers to help run the tables where people go to pick a sponsor child, so I volunteered to help during the first service. Towards the end of my shift, I see a young newly wed couple walking up to the table, and they start looking at the packets for each of the children. I go through the rehearsed spiel about how to sponsor a child, what sponsorship is, and all that jazz, and then let them resume their looking. They finally choose a little boy from South America and begin filling out the forms.

In most aspects, they were just like every other family who had come to the table- they picked their kid, filled out the form, and left; but for some reason this couple had something special about them- particularly the way he acted.

When they walked up to the table, he had his hand on her back and was smiling as they talked about how they felt like God was calling them to sponsor a child. He was engaged in doing the Lord’s work alongside his wife.

I want a man like that.

While they were browsing through children, he made the comment about how he sincerely wished they could sponsor them all. He would pick up packets for children and show them to his wife, saying that they needed a family. He loves others.

I want a man like that.

After they decided on which child to sponsor, they began discussing how they could save the thirty eight dollars every month in order to pay for the sponsorship. He said he could stop buying sodas at work. He is sacrificial for the needs of others.

I want a man like that.

While she was filling out the form, he had his hand on her back and was praying for their sponsor child, that God would watch over him and show him His love through them. He loves God and believes in his active love and power.

I want a man like that.

Please don’t get me wrong, I know that God hasn’t brought a man like this into my life romantically yet because he knows that I’m not ready. But, because I’ve been single now for the first time in three years, I have genuinely had an opportunity to think about what it is I want in a man. And I’ve realized that God (obviously!) knew what his plans were when me and my ex-boyfriend broke up. While he is a wonderful young man, he misses the main thing I’m wired for: missions. Sharing the gospel by loving other people in God’s name. I can see now that God knew how much tension that would have caused in a marriage even when I couldn’t. And honestly, whether or not God has someone else in store for me (I AM STILL PRAYING HE DOES, I AM NOT PRETENDING TO BE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO DOESN’T STILL WANT A HUBBY, and quite honestly I think that’s okay as long as it doesn’t become an idol. I believe he wired us to want that companionship.) but whether or not he has someone else in store for me, I know it could never have worked with my ex. And I am now so thankful that God has since opened up my eyes to guys who are all in. Who love God more than anything. Who love others more than themselves. Who will love me more than they love themselves.

And I want a man like that.

But first, I’m praying that God will make me into a young woman like that.

We serve a faithful, loving God. I cannot fathom his plan. He is bigger than anything I can imagine and anything I think I know. And he loves us. I pray that he will make me more like him.

And as cliché as it is, my verse for this one is

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Standard

It’s Late and I’m Awake

So this week {Spring Break} I’ve had a stomach virus. Which means I’ve been in bed sick. Which also means I’ve had to stop taking my medication for my depression. It’s actually affected me a lot less than I had feared, which gives me hope for the future! I’m slowly getting better now, and have not thrown up in about a day.. Woohoo. However, I have yet to venture more than twenty steps from a couch. Being sick has given me a lot of time to think. And the more I’ve thought, the more I realized-
I actually thought I would have my crap together by now.
Wow I was stupid. As a kid I saw all these seventeen year olds with the perfect bodies and the pretty hair and makeup and cute clothes picking a college and major- really starting their lives for themselves. You know the ones I’m talking about. And at twenty two they’re all getting married to their relatively attractive, successful boyfriend and buying a nice little house and starting a cute family at twenty five (leaving three years to travel and “enjoy being a couple”). As wonderful as all of this sounds, I realized recently however that I do not, nor will I in the near future, or ever in the future, have my crap together. But I do suppose that’s the fun in life.
We’re called to trust God, and if we had it all figured out, I don’t suppose there would be much we needed to trust him for.
I came across a scripture the other day, (and yes. It’s in the message. So all you message haters just skip this part. I don’t normally read it, but it does have it’s uses.)

Continue reading

Standard

Somebody Somewhere

Somebody somewhere must love me
And wonder what I’m doing today
And wonder what I’m thinking
And send some prayers my way

Somebody somewhere must love me
And want me to grow and mature
And want me to enjoy the little things
And love me for me for sure.

And that somebody somewhere who loves me
Who hopes my day goes well
Who hopes that I make some friends today
And says my signing’s swell

To you I just say thank you
For loving with arms much softer
Than those of any siren here
Though I have little to offer

For you see, my friend from somewhere,
I am just an empty shell
With nothing left on the inside of me
But dust and shadowy cell.

And so you somebody from somewhere
You really are my cure
For I know that you are on my side
Despite no great allure.

Somebody Somewhere does love me.
He knows what I’m doing today.
He knows what I am thinking.
He hears the prayers I pray.

He loves me for my flaws.
He loves me through my tears.
Because that Somebody from somewhere who loves me,
Is forever always here.

-Alli Paul

Standard

It’s All Gone

As a Christian, I truly do attempt to live for Christ, and my identity really is in him. That being said, I do enjoy the things that he has created me to enjoy. And it’s all gone. The Sports that I was created to enjoy, cheerleading and volleyball- gone. The Activities I was meant to enjoy like debate and organizing student affairs- gone. The activities that I still have I don’t enjoy anymore. The fellowship I was created to enjoy, my friends and boyfriend- gone. And I’m struggling to hold on to the one thing I still have- Jesus. He is the only thing that I have left of the former me. That’s all that’s left. And while I shouldn’t be struggling to find joy, I am. All the things I would fill my days with have been taken from me. I would be fine if one of them were taken, my identity truly was not in any one of these things, but the fact that they were all taken from me at once… that’s the part I’m struggling with.

Psalm 36:5, 7
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Here’s to a better tomorrow full of mercy and love.

Standard

My Last Two Months

I have no followers and this blog is more of a journal/ coping mechanism, but if you are reading this I hope you learn at least a little something. I think I’ll start with recapping my life up to this point. I grew up in a small private Christian school. Whoopty Do. I literally ate lunch with the same six people from the time I was eight to the time I was seventeen. It’s honestly pretty insane when I think about how much of my life I have shared with these same people. Well, this school just kept getting smaller and smaller until I had had enough, so I decided to not return after Christmas break. It wasn’t anything against the people, they’re all brilliant and sweet, but I was ready to get out of the bubble I had been living in. We were all well off financially. We all believed in God and were Christians (or at least claimed to be). And I think that is what bothered me the most: I truly love God and I felt like there was no place to shine my light here. I felt like he was calling me onward and to take a leap of faith. Two weeks before I was to leave, my boyfriend of over two years broke up with me to go drink and party with his friends. No judgment for anyone who does this, but I genuinely do not believe it fulfills in any way, so you can imagine how heartbroken I was not only for myself, because I lost the person who meant most to me, but also for him and that he was venturing off into this dark self-centered world. Well, Christmas break rolled around wet with my tears of my recent breakup. I had enrolled in the local community college to complete my year and a half left of high school in four months and it did not start until a week after my old high school did. All during Christmas break I was able to pull myself together enough to meet with friends/ family, but that one week where my friends were back in school and I was alone really got to me. I went through pretty major bouts of depression, from not getting out of bed to not eating and crying intermittently throughout the day. It was rough. I had lost everything: my routine I had known for 13 years, my school friends, my boy friend who always swore he would be there for me. I was nothing of what I had been, and I found no joy. But that’s when God really begins to work.

Isaiah 42:16- I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake them.

 

That’s where I was: Unfamiliar territory in the dark. Everything seemed hopeless. Nothing could distract my burdened soul. I could grasp on to nothing but God. I was severely depressed. And I’m not pretending I’m completely better. But God knows what he’s doing. God is never going to take you through a heartache that he cannot mend. The ache won’t go away immediately, but your heart will be back. Your life will be back. And that’s all that I’m focusing on right now. One day at a time. And if I fail to love him completely today, he’ll still love me tomorrow. If you read to here, God bless you. I hope you found some sort of encouragement from my seventeen year old self. I’m working on stuff and He’s working on me and right now that’s the best I can do. I just pray he’s gonna change the dark to light before me.

 

Standard